broken down lonely

I'm feeling the phrase, you dont know what you got until it's gone.

I feel so guilty

Why couldn't I just let go?

I don't even feel that way anymore, something's changed, I know we aren't meant to be

I'm coming to accept that, it hurts much less now

But one moment of weakness

One stray catty moment in a lifetime of good ones

And that's enough, to throw it all away?

He's the one bailing on the friendship.  

I feel betrayed, and angry, excruciatingly sad and also guilty

I feel like everything I do and think

And especially everything I feel

Is wrong

I feel crazy, and stupid

I wonder if anyone's even reading this

I want to take this whole box of sleeping aids on my dresser

All 20 capsules

Of a low dose sedative

I wanna sleep until he comes around

I can't stand this, I need him in my life

I feel empty, meaningless

A shell of a person I was

I don't know what to do...

Today I felt lonely and decided I wanted to eat a whole box of cookies.  

I settled for a bag of them.  mmmm.

There were only 2 inside LOL

I watched curling with my dad.  Now I'm gonna sew up my tights and watch the simpsons

Bollywood Confidential

This book is hilarious!  I just finished it.... I want to cry because there's no more D:  

I think I'm going to start watching Bollywood films.

Maybe I'll rethink visiting Mumbai..... :D

This part, on the second last page made me laugh my ass off!

*  *  *

So Raveena moved to the Regent Hotel overlooking the water on Bandra's Bandstand.  Uncle Heeru had offered his bungalow, but Raveena could not resist the lure of air-conditioning.

Besides, this way she could have Siddharth up for a nightcap.

She did, for some odd reason, find herself missing Uncle Heeru at times, and on those occasions, she'd hop into a rickshaw and motor over to his place.  There they'd feed the pigeons together and Uncle Heeru would tell her more stories.

Like the time the stone-pelting swami showed up at his bungalow door and demanded that Heeru buy him a microwave.

"But the man lives in a cave." Raveena pointed out.  "Where would he plug it in?"

Purple Flower

mmm juicy

I am so much smarter than this

What is it that gets me

Stuck in the same place

Over, and over again

How many times have I ended up

In love

And just considered the 

'best friend'

Maybe it's easier to hold on

To hope, than to face

Abject rejection...

Maybe I enjoy being the martyr

And I end up being

The best 

Best friend

With all my love and devotion

My heart is doomed

My love, ever unheeded

Unrelenting

Unrequited

Others make the letting go

Seem so easy

I, on the other hand

Convince myself

I could never love another

These country songs stirred something

I haven't felt in years

You play your guitar, we sing

Together

We create such pretty songs

The timing in our music

Is always on

But the timing in our lives

Is another thing altogether

You remind me of a million

Poems I've written long ago

How could 2 years' defenses 

Be shattered in one drunken night?

Hands held, sweet words

Warmth and closeness

All night love birds

And you tell your cousin

I'm just a friend

the most beautiful girl in the world

I'm not the me
I used to be
Took a dream's life's length
To figure that one out

I've seen your face
A beautiful smile
Clouded in smoke in the most obscure
Facets of my mind's eye
And yet, we have not met

The wind, it blows
Your lengthy silken hair
To the furthest stretches
Of dawn's fiery horizon

And your eyes
They smolder, spreading light
Diffusing through my soul
Like a candle
Burning through the night

Haitian Love Songs (Coco Rosie)

(Interpretation of early black and white haitian love songs)
Oceans wept
Moutains slept
Sidewalks crumbled to ash
Your name remains
In children's lullabies
And your eyes forever in the sky

Pull me close
Dear i'm tremblin'
Hold me tight
I'm afraid of the night
Blackness fills the room
Your love burns bright

Oh summer winds
Remind me of your kiss
Soft and warm
I never want to leave this

I never wanted to say goodbye
I'd throw myself to the sea
If god promised you're inside
We'd float to island paradise
And i'd become your bride

The countryside looks bare
Without you lying in her grass
The stream is dry
And the crickets, are silent
There's no music in the night
I'd breathe my last breath
So you could sigh
I'd become smoke
And hide in your cigarette pack

To be a star
Tossing light
To sparkle in your eyes
I'd become an angel
And kiss this earth goodbye

Destiny
Use to be
Just a word to me
But heaven sure was right
When they said jesus left somethin' behind

Every inch of this body
I'd plate in gold for you
Even though i ain't go no money
I'd do it just to keep you

Your eyes appear
In every dream
They glitter and they gleam
Like the first time we meet

The chickens crowed
And i knowed your home
My spirit ran to greet you
Before my feet left the porch